Trainee's Day: excerpt from LBSNAA House Journal Society's monthly 'The Buzz'

(The Absolutely True) Minute to Minute Schedule of an Officer Trainee’s Day*

* subject to the vagaries of space and time. Conditions apply.

--by Vikram Grewal

5:00 am- RING RING! Deliberately set ambitious Alarm. Snooze. Back to sleep.

5:20 am- Wake up. Realize that your Roommate is in the Bathroom and hence
the pointlessness of your waking up. Back to sleep.

5:40 am- Wake up. Reduce the ‘to-do’ list from “Brushing, Shaving, ‘Freshing up’”
to just- “Washing Face”. 

5:45 am- Changing to Track Suit? No worries. You went to bed wearing it last night!

5:50 am- Check FC 94 Whatsapp group hoping against hope for a “PT has been

cancelled” message. Look at the sky- you no longer relate clouds to rain. You now

believe that it rains only during exams (no, Geography Optional did not teach you enough).  

5:55 am- Run/ Jog/ Walk/ Crawl to Polo Ground. Occasional heaps of cow dung keep you

awake. The cold winds keep telling you “Yoga le lete bhai”.

6:10 am- Biometric done! (Not in the first attempt obviously...quite like upsc)- The reason

for your existence has been corroborated. March into the ground for the daily meeting of

the “Fellows of the Blue-hoodie Secret Society Doing Weird Stuff for 60 Minutes.”

7:20 am- You sacrifice a cup of Nimbu Paani in order to reach the room before your

roommate does. On the way back, you curse the OTs who take lifts on the way (giving

you a peculiar satisfied smile).

8:00 am- You wake up to realize you’d slept off after reaching the room. Storm into the

washroom. Like a soldier on a mission, you achieve the early morning pending objectives.

8:30 am- Unironed Saris/Suits stare at you. Ties remain stubbornly untied; shoes im-paired.

You put a message on the group “What is the dress code?”- to which no one replies- either

because they are already in the mess for breakfast or because they themselves don’t know

(“Monday/Tuesday ko tie? What day is it today?”) 

9:00 am- The Hunter-Gatherers have reached the field. In 10 minutes, you scavenge for eatables

from different counters. “Watermelons? What season is it?” Wait! What time is it?!

9:15 am- Still gulping the morning tea and searching for mouth freshner- before you realize that

you don’t know where the lecture is. Swami Vivekananda said “...stop not until the goal is reached.”

So you randomly choose Vivekananda Hall, only to hear from someone that it is in the other Ananda Hall-

“Sampoornananda Hall”. You are stressed because you know you are 188 years away from there,

however, you are also relieved as you didn’t know on which floor Vivekananda is.

9:30 am- You reach huffing and puffing. Biometric has already been done. You run after the

Attendence-Marker while the Takeaways (read: daily rants about classes) and laughs in the hall

come to an end.

9:30 am to 11:30 am- Asleep with eyes open. 

11:30 am to 12:00 pm- Breaktime! Sprouts and tea: the combination that makes you question

the entire series of human evolution. You wish for the leftover half croissant that you had yesterday.

12:00 pm to 2:00 pm- Guest Lecture, however, you’re more excited about your friend fumbling as

the Escort Officer. Q & A session is the real test of solidarity of the class. Introduction of speaker

puts you to sleep and the memento-giving part wakes you up.

2:00 pm to 3:00 pm- Survival skills on display in the mess. This is where hunting-gathering and

food critic abilities converge- especially if you’re a vegetarian.

3:00 pm- You sprint from A.N Jha Plaza’s sunlit warmth to heater-induced itchy warmth of the

lecture hall. Nictu exposes your substandard digital literacy, language class exposes your illiteracy. 

3:55 pm- CGM: You meet those 20 people that you only meet during Counsel Group Meetings and

never otherwise. Your eyes keep looking out for the attendance sheet.

4:30 pm- ECM (LOLOLOLOLOL!)

5:30 pm- Loiter around the gym and make yourself feel like you’re working out. End up on the

massaging chair mostly!

6:30 pm- Crucial decision to make at the Ganga Dhaba: “What’s the Dinner scene?”

7:30 pm- After plans for Tavern, Urban Turban et al come crashing down, you quietly move to

your room to throw the sweaty tracks on the chair (that are supposed to end up in a washing

machine in a few weeks’ time), and change into “smart-casual” (whatever that means) for the

dinner in the Mess.

8:00 pm- You’re pleased to see the vacant seats and absence of any queues- and hence run

towards the counter with such excitement that you ignore the Soup and even washing your

hands. Food critic tendencies return soon after. 

9:00 pm- After a heartfelt rant about the day, you and your friends sip Bourn Vita/ Haldi Milk

and rant about the PT next morning.

10:00 pm- You’ve passed one hour fiddling with toothpicks, foosball, billiard balls and time. 

11:00 pm- You realize that the deadline of a pending assignment is 11:59 pm. You look at

the whatsapp messages (all others have been crying about the incomplete assignment and

extension of the deadline). You smirk and say to yourself: “It’s time for some God damn

Esprit de Corps!!”