Days Underground: Volume III- "Longest Year of My Life" by Vikram Grewal

Days Underground #31

27th June 2018

It's my 5th world cup supporting the German Football team since I first got hooked to the genius of Miroslav Klose. 

I declared a few weeks back, even though thinking of Philip Lahm's and Klose's absence, that I will get rid of my beard after the Germans defend the cup. 

It's been a horrible outing for these guys this time. The nail biting finish against Sweden gave me hope. 

But today, the country of K-Pop managed to pull off a 2-0 and the fates of the team and my beard have been sealed. 

Dear sis clicks the moment and relishes my uncomfortable smile. 

But the positives remain: 

1. More time for mains preparation.

2. After Klose, I have found a new inspiration in the world cup: Luka Modric. 

I switch sides to Croatia after attaining the same amount of facial hair as Modric.

Days Underground #32

July 2018

This is what my newspaper notes looked like. One liners. Just like puns I guess.

I am writing the important news of the Post-Prelims phase. It is titled 'Epilogue' to keep alive my hopes of qualifying this year and never needing these again. 

This notepad is just 40 pages long. (Less than 4 pages a month usually). News becomes old so quickly. They are mostly useless now. Just ink smeared on paper- with great irreverence.

Days Underground #33

17th July 2018

Eva clicks this picture and continues to laugh about the Zarda joke from college.

I have come to meet Señora Deka at her new abode. Summer hasn't been kind to her. I have brought her fruits that I hand over to Alishuba who is also back in Delhi for a while. 

I say my awkward hellos and proceed to go on and on about how exciting 'Sacred Games' is! Señora reminds to watch 'The Big Sick' again. 

I tell them my mum says hi and dad's been posted out.

I don't say anything about me clearing prelims; quietly leave and continue the air-guitaring to Black Sabbath in the metro back home.

Days Underground #34

August 2018

I'm staring at a month of gut-wrenching practice. I will be attempting a mock test every alternate day. 

The Monsoon overcast sky mellows me down every year and tells me to 'take it easy'. But this year, no excuses. No margin for error. Take no prisoners. 

Mains are just a few weeks away.

So let's see who cracks who.

I make an elaborate list of 'Alarm Tones' on my mother's phone. Songs that kick me out of bed every day. 

It's time to ink several piles of paper now. And keep the spirits high. 

Days Underground #35

August 2018

400 days of running around the same circular path. It's not circular if you look closely, it's in the shape of the figure of '8'.

That 8 now seems like infinity. 

I have fooled myself every single evening by changing playlists- to make it feel like a different day, a different track, a different place. 

3 pairs of running shoes have given up. 

And here we are. Still the same round. The same 8. The same me...with a different sigh today.

Days Underground #36

September 2018

Meet Hp Deskjet GT 5820.

She is my window to the world. An extension of my soul. 

I spend over 2 hours everyday on her printing and scanning paper. She doesn't have a voice like Scarlett Johansson and I don't have a moustache like Joaquin Phoenix, but we have a great chemistry between us.

Her ink tanks have outstanding capacity to bring colour into my B&W mock test life. 

She'll be on a long vacation after my mains exams. And our dream team of 'Kaagaz ke Fool' will be left with just 'kora kaagaz' and a fool who fell in love with a machine.

Days Underground #37

27th September 2018

A self portrait. The only thing I have done on paper in the last 10 days. 

Two weeks ago I realized that I had overdone mock tests. Too much answer writing had left me bruised. My right hand had blisters. 

There were red lines and marks between my nose and cheeks that made me realise that I get too 'into' it while answering questions and I have a grumpy face throughout the 3 hours exam time.

The urge to draw diagrams and flow charts to illustrate my answers has become so ingrained in me that I drew this picture next to my name on the first page of one of the answer sheets.

Tomorrow Mains begin. Let's hope it all comes naturally (without the grumpy marks).

Days Underground #38

6th October 2018

'Abey Kitna likhega yaar?' were the last words my brain spoke to me today before completely losing it. 

This week has been spent feeling like a novice boxer who comes to the exam centre with his Coach Mother ready with a bottle of Cold Coffee and some great Rock n Roll music. 

On the first day, she traced my desk down in the entire premises to give me my grey hoodie that I had forgotten at the gate due to slight nervousness. 'Yahaan pe Vikram naam ka baccha kaun hai jise itni thand lag Rahi hai'- was announced all over.

Rest of the week is just too damn hazy. What I will always cherish is Coach mother allowing me to have as many dairy milks and five stars in the breaks between exams as I wanted. 

And I will cherish this quote that came back to me today. 

I'd forgotten about it entirely. (The whole country would remember it in the form of 'Apna Time Aayega' next year.)

One more day remains. Time to get my grey hoodie on and get my Trimaxes running on white sheets for one last time (hopefully).

Days Underground #39

October 2018

I finally make my annual pilgrimage to the college hall and grab a solitary spot in the audience to look at my beloved juniors put up fantastic performances at the Intra Rajpal One Act Play Competition.

I don't try to recall my days in college theatre but I do search for my partner in crime. 

And then, after months of oblivion, and weeks of correspondence through letters, postcards and e-mails, we meet!

(I would regret not having a phone and hence not having a picture of the meeting later....the above photo- our first one together- is a decent substitute I hope).

This guy is an absolute gem. He has many names- Rumi, Dablu, Mc are just a few of them. Rochan Mathur is perhaps the most popular one. A man with a bag of masks. A thespian with impeccable energy. And above all, a dear friend. 

Days Underground #40

8th November 2018

Kupwara is my new home. I am back in Kashmir after 2 years and the valley seems immensely pleased. 

It is the first instance of November snow in 10 years say the headlines.

Our home is just next to the library and we have a new 'temporary' family member- Brandy the Alsatian. 

I will be trying to finish as many novels and non-fiction books as I can before the Mains result. 

It is undoubtedly the best phase. Not writing any answers and just lying down and reading all day is such a relief.

Also. I feel like I have finally entered the Fargo universe (courtesy all that snow).

Days Underground #41

November 2018

Since I was introduced to civics in 6th standard, I always thought of my home as a miniature Parliament. 

My father, an occasional presence, was the nominal head- the President- whose assent was required on the policy decisions made by my mother- the Prime Minister- de facto decision maker of the house. 

My sister who would just condemn and criticize the decisions made was the Leader of Opposition. 

And I? The secretariat perhaps. (The photo needs some 'Separation of Powers' I guess.)

I would just take care of all the bureaucratic work... turning the wheels basically. 

We moved to new houses every 2-3 years, but this setup never really changed. 

My mother remains the nucleus of each and every aspect of our nuclear family. Our anchor, our wheel, our Captain! (Also, the best Driver hands down!)

The MVP of our team. 

Days Underground #42

December 2018

And Vivaan is back. He is as old as my exam preparation. His Punjabi music infatuation has grown exponentially. He has started to hum along. 

He is like the syllabus, it's hard to get hold of him. His mischievous smile is a continuous centre of attraction at home. 

This time there doesn't seem to be a middle ground in our likes. His choice of music prevails. 

I don't complain. I sit outside in the sun listening to Sufjan Stevens and relishing the Toblerone pack he has brought me.

No, we still don't talk :)

Days Underground #43

December 2018

Where do you catch up with friends when you're underground? 

Well, underground, of course! In a network of caves about 10 miles from the nearest city. 

That's Yash and Ambika. We met after 10 years. They didn't recall anything about me until I reminded them about our days in Mhow- where we went to the local cyber cafe and played Miniclip games. ^quite different from what we're doing here.

We are in Kalaroos caves near Satbarn, Kupwara. It is said that one of the caves has a route till Roos (Russia). But after the 2005 earthquake they are just full of debris and exquisitely spooky bats. 

The perfect place to catch up. I know right!

Days Underground #44

21st December 2018

The result for Mains came out yesterday. It was a weird warm feeling to see my roll number there. 

I really love my roll number 0822066. It is very symmetrical. Assures me of balance in some ways. It has two 0s, two 2s, two 6s and an 8- which by itself is basically two 0s trying to make a snowman. 

That is the celebratory Mince Anda Maggi that I quietly have in a corner, staring at the Khatambandh occasionally. 

Time to break DAF soon. 

Days Underground #45

1st January 2019

It's the new year I have always wanted. Away from the 'dhichik-dhichik' of Delhi clubs that won't let you sleep, I woke up at noon today after coming back from an exhausting trek to Bodhnambal- the northern most village of Kashmir Valley- with zero connectivity and zero electricity. It is next to Aloo Top- a highly sensitive terrorist infiltration route. 

Nick Drake is playing in the background and dogs are chilling on the helipad covered with snow. They look like the wolves of Winterfell. 

Two things I have learnt recently: never take snow for granted (it looks beautiful but is most dangerous) and there is absolutely no shop that sells 'Pudeen hara' in the valley (too cool for even mint, I guess).

Days Underground #46

January 2019

The past few weeks have been spent in researching DAF and reading about myself, my school life, background, qualifications, hobbies etc etc. 

I'm back in Delhi to give my first mock interview, and it turns out to be delightful. Being bombarded with questions by veteran experts, bureaucrats and diplomats made me realise how less I actually knew. They made me go blank at so many points and made me sweat repeatedly. 

I didn't notice all this though. It was so overwhelming just to be sitting around people and talking about random stuff in the world. We laughed a couple of times, frowned a little and gaped at the frivolity of some answers. 

Also I shaved for the first time and I hate it. I can feel an extremely annoying rash developing under my chin. This will make it the toughest phase of the prep.

Nevertheless, what a great learning experience the mock interview has been.

I had missed human conversations all this while. For almost 20 months now I haven't had any stimulating discussion. All I have done is talk to myself, because that's what you do when your mind becomes a valley.

Days Underground #47

February 2019

Know thyself and thou shalt know UPSC. The prep for the interview intensifies as I unearth every aspect of my life right from where it all started. 

Some details surprise me, for eg, I got to know that the place where I was born in Ferozepur Cantt, Punjab was 'Joke Road' (yup, legit name). And that I once gulped a frog when I was 2 in Chandel, Manipur. 

And I once ran away from home in (Sri) Ganganagar and hid in the Golf Course only to get bored and come back in the evening. 

And I had an unmatchable Himesh Reshammiya CD collection in 5th std.

These details don't really help in the prep though. But well, we're on a 'leave-no-stone-unturned' policy. (Coz there might be frogs under any one of them).

Days Underground #48

21st Feb 2019

Interview done. One cycle ended. Another one begins. I do hope I don't have to face this one. 

I have a few days to chill before starting my preparation for next prelims. 

Two weeks will be spent in traversing NH1 and meeting relatives, cousins and Grandparents- all eager to know the chances of my selection. 

But before that we must tend to the film backlog. 'Roma' and 'Gully Boy' are top priorities. And then of course, the ceremonial Baskin Robbins. .

All this after the haircut. Obviously.

Days Underground #49

March 2019

The form for next Prelims has been submitted. And the reality of another cycle of rigorous prep is coming forth.

I have started to delve into the current affairs that I have ignored since I gave Mains. 

But what exactly keeps you going when you are just loading your mind with 100% concentrated important and useful information for almost 2 years now? 

Simple- 200% of absolute nonsense that balances the seriousness with awe-inspiring stupidity. 

Teleshopping shows on TV were my staple. Today I moved on from juicers, saris, bedsheets and massagers by Naaptol, Telebrands and EzMall to water purifiers by HomeShop18. 

After giving mock tests for hours in silence and solving all the World's problems on paper, I found solace in the boisterous voices of annoying teleshopping anchors.

I keep the volume high, and never hear a word.

Days Underground #50

5th April 2019

I'm in the middle of solving a prelims mock test when my mother gets a call from my father who says that he got a call from one of his colleagues who got a call from his village that the UPSC Final Result for civils 2018 is out and that 'Vikram' has been selected.

My mother is about to cry and I say, 'Wait, 3 Vikrams cleared mains. Which Vikram is he talking about?'

She looks worried. My dad on the phone sounds worried. 

I am more worried about my mock test that I had to leave midway. 

They both blurt out together:

'Check the UPSC site...' Checked----Website Crashed.

'Check the other coaching site links.'

Checked----its the same link. So, crashed.

'Check that one link.'

Checked----it has image of first page of result that has 50 names. My name isn't there.

'Do you think it's our Vikram?' 'Well...'

My mother's tears are confused. They are making an appearance but not attempting the fall. 

My father says, 'Ok I have other calls waiting. You guys carry on.'

And carry on we must. For 30 minutes of excruciating suspense I am able to access the website. 

My mother finds my name on 51 and hugs me. I don't budge and bend forward to corroborate my roll no.

"Well yeah. Thats it. 51," I say, "The only article of the Indian Constitution dealing with Foreign affairs- international peace and security."

Thanks Laxmikanth.

My sister gives me the ceremonial handshake. 

The moment of so-called emotional outburst has passed. And now we just sit looking at the laptop screen.

The wallpaper is the Stargate scene from the film '2001: A Space Odyssey'. (Pic)

Illuminating, ephemeral yet totally random. And that's what success looks like, perhaps. 

Days Underground #51

THE FINAL POST

My journey, since I left college, has been about exploring the world by sitting on my study table and sifting through piles of paper.

There were moments of epiphany, hours of boredom, days of madness, weeks of excitement and months of monotony. 

Usually I was too busy with myself to take out time to miss college, but there were instances when I used go back to those days through the data I had archived in my laptop.

And this video stands out.

It is that one moment of sheer ecstasy that would be remembered by me for life. 

63 people that I loved came together to do what we loved the most- to enjoy ourselves in this party that somehow worked as a theatrical production. 

If you are a part of this, I must tell you that I have missed you. I have missed you every single day that I stayed underground.

And if you were present in the college hall that day to witness this madness, I must tell you that it means a lot to me. Will always will.

And if this is being read by my two dearest pals by some divine intervention I tell you that you are always in my thoughts. 

On 26th August 2016, exactly 3 years before the beginning of yet another important play of my life, when we shouted at the top of our lungs, it became a repository for me to draw inspiration from- in times of distress and solitude. 

All the world's a stage and all its men and women merely players. 

We played. 

We played Surkhiyaan.

And we played well. 

And I thank you for that.

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